Marble Jar (Part 1)

Yesterday's sermon at Church was so powerful, so eye-opening and so convicting. It caused me to desire new changes. Changes spiritually, changes physically, and changes emotionally. I guess you could relate this to an epiphany in a sense. Spiritually, I want my prayer life to grow leaps and bounds. Send me any prayer requests you have... your petitions will help me grow here. Right now, I've decided to leave my biggest prayer request "silent" except for and with my closest girlfriends and husband, but I can tell that God is already working on it... I hope. I mean, I guess I could just chalk this up as a "good day" or a "calm day" and I'll take it, but my faith is higher then to leave it at that. I know and I trust from John 14:14 that if I "ask anything in [His] name, [He] will do it." I know my dear friends are praying for me and it shows.

So, what does this have to do with the price of tea in China or the title of this post, "Marble Jar"?

Today, I tried to make wiser choices. I made changes in the way my day got started. I made changes in the way my children's day got started. I made plans. I had goals. And I stuck to it all. I felt accomplished and that feeling always is a good one. Agree?

One thing I decided to try and improve in our home is order. Not order in the cleanly sense, I'm pretty sure I've had that talent since I was at least 8, but order with my children. Let me put it more positively... better management or increased harmony amongst them. I thrive off of structure. I like calmness. I desire guidelines in our home, control, and peace. With children, it's possible, but the odds are against me and 3 little depraved souls.

Last year, I came across an article in a magazine that was written by a mother who tried it all. Sticker charts, verbal praise, allowance, etc. etc. etc. She was fed up. She was tired. She felt like a nag and also like a broken record. She was at her last straw and decided to give it ONE last ditched effort by creating her own incentive system called a marble jar. I wanted to try this last year, but instead decided to rip the article out of the magazine and save it for when the twins were a tad older. This morning when I woke up, I decided, today was the day we were starting this idea. Now, I know many of you probably don't agree with reward systems or incentive programs. I'm not entirely sold either, but for my Tyson, especially, it works and it works GOOOOOD. So for now, to maintain that "order" that I spoke of earlier, I have to mimic this mother's marble jar idea.

The idea behind the marble jar is that each child gets a clear glass (or plastic) jar and every time they do something worthy (follow directions, clean their room, going out of their way for someone, speaking kindly to others etc.) then they get to put a marble in their jar. Once the jar is full... a reward is given.

The one area we will have to watch out for with Tyson when using something like the marble jar is that he will start to expect a marble for everything. We have decided that the marbles are to be earned for behaviors that our children struggle with. The marbles are rewards for things that aren't getting done. If brushing teeth is an issue then a marble is given when the child brushes their teeth without hassle.

Visual reward systems work well for younger children, I think. I have noticed a HUGE difference today already. Here are just a few examples:

1. NO behavior issues in A.C. Moore. No handling of store items or running off.

2. MANNERS.... "YES MAAM" has never been said more than it has been said today.

3. Being helpful without asking... we place our shoes on the steps when we take them off and Tyson brought everyone's shoes up and placed them in each person's closet. He usually walks right passed them.

4. Tyson has been overly kind and GENTLE with is siblings today.

We have made several rules regarding the marble jar reward system:

1. You cannot ask for or suggest that you deserve a marble. If so, one is removed.

2. If you are ill tempered, ugly, disrespectful, or disobedient a marble can be removed.

3. Do NOT expect a marble to be placed in your jar for every kind deed you perform.

4. Remember, kind deeds are NOT to be done JUST because you want to earn a marble. Kind deeds are to be done because it is expected of us and should be the desire of our heart because it pleases our God.

5. IF you are caught adding to your jar without permission or stealing from a sibling's jar, your jar gets emptied.

6. You cannot earn a (-) negative amount of marbles. That's too much to keep up with.

7. When your jar is filled to the "line" or the piece of ribbon we tied to the top of each jar, you are entitled to a $20 ANYTHING. Sounds like a lot, but the mom who's article I read said it takes about 4 weeks to fill the jar being marbles can also be removed.

I look forward to using this in the teenage years to come. This mom had children ranging from 3 to 16. She said her teenagers were constantly on the prowl to "one up" each other in the house (ie. they would set their alarm early to empty the dishwasher before the house woke up.) Where I struggle with this incentive program is the fact that we are learning in Matthew 6 to "beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven." It appears and sounds as if this marble jar could essentially and potentially go against this command. I am hoping this will help train Tyson, Lilah and Jaxon to desire to be obedient UNTIL the Lord changes their heart for good. Who knows how long this will stick. We will revisit it from time to time to make sure it's the best decision for our family. For now, it really does seem to be working great! I give it an A++++

BEFORE

We went to AC Moore today. Purchased plain glass mason jars. I allowed each child to pick out their very own stickers to use to decorate the outside of their jar.

Tyson decorates his jar.

Tyson's jar. He recently told us that he would like to go to College to be an astronaut, hence the reason he picked out space ship/astronaut stickers. The colorful ribbon at the top of each jar is the "line" where the marbles must be filled to. If you look closely, you can see Ty has earned 4 marbles already.

Lilah was the first to finish. Lilah chose butterflies stickers.

Lilah's jar. Lilah has earned 1 marble already. She's been a tad feisty today.

Daddy helped guide the twins with their stickers.

But as usual they said, "I do it!"

Jax chose train stickers.

Jax's jar. Jax has one marble too.

Marble Jar (Part 2)

Back in 2011, I did a post on a Marble Jar experiment that I chose to use, to help create "order" in our home.  Here's an excerpt from that post, if you don't desire to read or re-read the entire post.  

One thing I decided to try and improve on, in our home, was order.  Not order in the cleansly sense. I'm pretty sure I've had that talent since I was at least 8 years old, but rather order with my children.  Let me put it more positively... better management or increased harmony amongst them. I thrive off of structure. I like calmness. I desire guidelines, control, and peace in our home. Don't we all? With children, it's possible, but the odds are against me with 3 little depraved souls.

It's insane to look back, almost 4 years ago, and see that I actually tried this experiement when my twins were barely 2. Needless to say, it didn't last long. Duh... 2 year olds don't really have an attention span or a drive for something like an incentive program. NOW, fast forward 4 years, from that post, and guess what?!?!?!?! I decided to pull old tricks back out. Sometimes... ORDER, peace, and harmony still DO NOT exist in our home. What?!?!?! You mean you haven't perfected that Kristin? NO! And when someone does they will be the richest man/woman alive if they can figure out a way to bottle that potion. Tyson shows his "love" by picking on the twins. Yes! That's his excuse for sticking wet fingers in his brother's ear or flicking his sister in the head for no good reason. I call it bullying and sin. Jax is picking up on Tyson's "love" and doing the same occasionally, although he has such a sweet heart that I think it kills him to act that way. And Lilah, well, let's just say she's half Italian and she loves to talk  argue with her hands (oh you know, scratch, pinch, and pull shirts, instead of just saying what's on her mind.). But more so than that even, the reality is... my children are still TOTALLY DEPRAVED, UNSAVED SINNERS. Until their lives are fully submissive to Christ, the personalities of our children will prevent complete harmony in this home. BUT...I will do all that I can to HELP create as much harmony as possible.  I waited a few months to see if the marble jar experiment would work, this time, and it has.  We are on month 3 and it's going strong!

The idea behind the marble jar is this: each child gets a clear glass (or plastic) jar.  Every time a child does something they're supposed to, without being asked, OR above and beyond the realms of what's expected of them, then they receive a marble in their jar. If any form of disobedience occurs, a marble is removed (in addition to any other forms of discipline that needs to take place, such as a spanking).  I have taken this a step further. If an offense is made against a sibling, by another sibling, then a marble will be removed from the offender's jar and put into the victim's jar.  Some examples of "good works/deeds" are clearing your plate after eating, using manners, vacuuming up your crumbs without being asked, and doing chores. A reward of $5.00 is given, to each child, every time their jar accumulates 30 marbles. Thirty marbles DOES NOT seem like a lot, but marbles get removed WAY more than marbles get earned.  When I revisited this idea, I rewarded the FIRST child to reach 30 marbles with $10 (which by the way was....JAX....no surprise there) and it took 24 days to earn 30 marbles. 

Let's role play:

Tyson licks his finger, puts it in Jax's ear, Jax gets upset, and instead of retaliating, he comes and discusses it with me. Response: Ty removes a marble from his jar and places it in Jax's jar.  

A NEW addition to this marble jar is as follows: if a sibling sees another sibling doing a kind deed for them, they can remove a marble from their own jar and "pay" their sibling a sign of gratitude with a marble they have previously earned.  

More role playing:

Jax is heading upstairs for the night.  Jax grabs his own shoes, on the way up the stairs, to put them away in his closet, and notices that Tyson also has a pair of shoes sitting on the steps.  Jax brings Tyson's shoes upstairs and places them where they belong. If I notice Jax's kind deed, Jax receives a marble. If Ty notices, he can choose to just say thank you OR he can choose to "pay" Jax a marble, as a sign of his appreciation.

There is so much that needs to be done around this house AND so much that the kids LOVE to save up for or "want".  SO... this marble system is a great way to NOT only promote kindness in our home, but also a desire to help out.  Even IF initially, they are doing things just to earn marbles, so be it.  AT LEAST, they are getting in the habit of considering others more important then themselves (Philippians 2:3).  Darren even uses it to receive help.  Often times I hear, "Who wants to put a trash bag in the trash can for Daddy and get a marble?"  Sometimes I hear crickets and other times all three kids run to daddy's rescue.

As I said in the marble jar post, back in 2011, my hope is this

I am hoping this marble jar system will help train our children to desire to be obedient and kind UNTIL the Lord changes their heart for good. What will start out as a "habbit" of doing good, will hopefully turn into a heart that desires to be obedient for the Lord. We will revisit this system from time to time to make sure it's the best decision for our family. For now, it seems to be working much better this time. My children LOVE incentives and rewards. Some people pay their children to do chores. I "pay" my children, in marbles, for various things and then eventually they can exchange it for real money!

From a Christian stand point, ONE problem with this system is that it almost can create an attitude of "good works" get you to Heaven. However, Darren and I remind the kids daily that good works do NOT get you into Heaven.  

"For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2:8

Finally, there is ONLY ONE RULE to this incentive program and that is, "You may NOT tell me you did some kind deed, in hopes of gaining a marble." In other words, do not ask for a marble.

Supplies Needed:

Glass or Plastic Jars: I bought mine at the Dollar Tree.  Last time, I allowed the kids to decorate their jars, but this time, I desired for the jars to blend in with my kitchen decor.

Marbles or Pebbles: I chose marbles for Lilah and rocks for the boys.

As I'm looking at these photos and thinking about the newest addition to our marble jar experiment, I realize now, it would be cool to have one more variety of colored marbles (basically each child should have their own color). As the kids "pay" each other or as marbles are removed from ONE jar and added to another, the jars will disclose HOW the marbles were awarded. Note to self... 

A counter space or designated area to store the jars! I would make certain that the jars are visible to their eyes, but BEWARE, little, untrustworthy children may try to sneak marbles/pebbles into their own jars when they haven't earned them! If I see that happen, the jar gets emptied completely.

It's NO surprise who's marble jar is ALMOST filled up, for the second time, in three months!

2nd place...

3rd place... I think I am harder on him! LOL! He's older therefore expectations are higher.

PS.  When I look back at older posts, I am so embarrassed.  My writing skills and posting skills are definitely NOT where they are today! LOL! I guess over time everyone should be improving, not digressing.  

Marble Jar UPDATE!

Guess who has finally filled up their marble jar? TYSON!!!! It took two months for ONE of the kids to fill up a marble jar. We've been VERY consistent with adding and removing marbles. I highly recommend this incentive program. It really, really, really, has improved the children's desires to help around the house. Overall behavior has also really improved as well.

Whoever fills up their marble jar receives a $20.00 toy! Tyson decided he just wants the $20.00 to add to his bank. He's such a hoarder.

Evidence that the marble jar is working....

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is crumbs. No matter how HARD I try to drive eating over your plate home, the concept is just not understood. You'd be amazed at how many crumbs a bite size ritz peanut butter filled cracker makes in our home.

While upstairs getting the twins ready for the pool, Tyson was enjoying that exact snack. With a paper plate and placemat available to him, the crumbs apparently still took place. Normally, on any other given day, Tyson could care LESS about the crumbs. Never has. But today, upon my return to the main floor, look what I spotted.

AND THIS WAS DONE ENTIRELY AT HIS OWN WILL.

Yes, it's absolutely DISGUSTING that on my dinner table sits a dust pan and hand broom along with my child's snack, but it's MUSIC to my ears. It sends chill bumps down my spine. My child knows where the dust pan is? My child knows how to use the dust pan? My child DESIRES to clean up after himself? Now, if he could only LEARN to put the dust pan/hand broom back, then he'd get a marble. Yup, that's right. He didn't get a marble. You can't do the job 50% of the way in our house and get rewarded for it. I'm hardcore, huh?

This post leaves me seriously wondering, why didn't I start this marble jar incentive SOOOONER!

Ty Arrives Home From 1st Grade!

Tyson arrived home from his first day of 1st grade with big smiles and still loads of energy. He didn't have an insane amount of information to share. Here's what I got out of him...

• Who he sat next to on the bus there and back!
• Who got in trouble and had to "pull a card"
• That his NEW PE teacher is not as much fun as last year's PE teacher
• Who he sat next to at lunch
• He didn't care for his sugar-free vanilla pudding, so ... "Can I have a sweet treat?"
• The class received 7 chips. This is a similar concept to the marble jar. If the jar gets FILLED up, the teacher bakes the class a cake.
• His first homework assignment: read or be read to for 15 minutes

Ty was in great spirits and filled with energy all day! He didn't argue, however, when the lights went out at 7:45 pm. He passed OUT before we could count to 30. The only reason he got to go to bed so early is because football was cancelled due to it being the first day of school.

Today, his second day, the school was dismissed 10 minutes early due to a 5.8 scaled earthquake.

Ty's 1st Grade Schedule:

5:50 am: Alarm Goes Off

6:00 am: Get Dressed While Watching Wow Wow Wubbzy

6:20 am: Head Downstairs To Eat Mommy's Homemade Breakfast

6:20 am: Family Devotional

6:35 am: Ty Finishes Up Breakfast/Family Talks

6:50 am: Brush Teeth/Potty/Put Lunch Box In Book Bag,

7:08 am: Head to Bus Stop

7:14 am: Bus Arrives

7:50 am: School Starts

2:20 am: School Ends

2:40 am: Ty Arrives HOME via BUS!!!!

It's an LOOOOONG day, to me, for such a little man.

5:30 pm: Ty leaves for Football M, T, and Th

5:30 pm: Ty leaves for Church on Wed.

Ty returns home M-Thurs at 8:30 pm.

9:00 pm: Bedtime After DINNER and shower

I cannot wait for football to be over so his bedtime can reside at 7:45 pm.

"Back To School Night!"

(Tyson and Jax hold hands, in the hallway, at Fort Lewis Elementary, as they head to check out Ty's 1st grade classroom).

On Thursday, Tyson had "Back To School Night". Tyson was able to meet his teacher, Mrs. Thomsen, check out what students are in his class, see where his desk is located and drop off his school supplies.

It was a TAD overwhelming because we made the horrible call to bring Lilah and Jaxon. We should have gotten a babysitter. Oh well!

I've said this to many already, but I LOVE HIS TEACHER. She's organized beyond belief, you can tell she has a true love for teaching, very motherly, and extremely captivating to her audience. She loves and believes in positive reinforcement and a reward system and I honestly think I do too! Ever since the marble jar entered our home, life in the Bolling house has been a lot smoother.

I cannot believe the return to school, for Ty, is less than 36 hours away!

Officially Potty Training for Good!

(Jax's 1st poopie in the potty ever. I am terribly sorry for grossing you out like this, but I had to document it.)

I've had it! I've been changing diapers for well over 29 months now X 2 and I'm over it. On Monday, I shut the doors on diapers for Lilah (except at nap and bedtime) and Tuesday the door was closed for JAX. Monday, I put Lilah in diapers and forced myself out of the house. I figured being physically removed from my home, with a toddler or two, in underwear, would definitely put a real life feel to the potty training world. On Monday, we went to the park, to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, to Kroger, and to Kirkland's Home Good Store. In a 5 hour time frame, Lilah only had one accident. I think it was that she was truly just preoccupied while playing with her friends at the park. Other than that, she peed in 2 out of the 3 stores we went in. Later that day, Jax, who was still in diapers, decided to poop in the potty. He did the hardest part FIRST. On Tuesday, I repeated the day by running more errands, but this time I left our home with not only ONE toddler but two toddlers in underwear. YAY!!!!! We ran errands again. NO accidents. Yesterday, I took the twins to the duck pond and the post office... no accidents. I have been transporting their pink potty everywhere with me, so I think that's why there have been virtually no accidents. Last night, at Church, was a different story. They arrived at church with no diapers and both Lilah and Jaxon had accidents. Today, we went to the "park", on top of Mill Mountain, and we were there from 10:50 pm - 1:30 pm. NO ACCIDENTS!!! I am so excited and so very proud of Lilah and Jax.

Check this FACT out....

We've changed over 10,440 diapers since the birth of Lilah and Jaxon. CAN YOU IMAGINE?

Every morning when the first "pee pee" goes in the potty, I reward the twins with a "dum dum" lollipop and 5 marbles added to their marble jar. EVERY TIME the twins use the potty, we do "the potty dance". They get a real kick out of it and are extremely proud of themselves. Enjoy viewing the "potty dance". Again,I apologize for the documented poopie. I just couldn't resist. What can I say? I am a proud momma and beyond thrilled to say goodbye to diapers.

Potty training two at one time is quite a busy task. It's fun training a boy and a girl because it puts a different twist on the job each time. Jax has to hold his pee pee down and when he's done he's instructed to shake his little thing and say, "ding-a-ling-a-ling", getting off the excess pee. Lilah just sits and when she's done she wipes while saying, "front to back. front to back. front to back!" Oh the joys of potty training.