Thursday, May 26, 2011

Will I ever feel worthy?

Lately, I feel so disconnected. It's amazing how blessed I am, in MORE WAYS THAN 4, and yet I look right passed it. Small trials lately have added up and it's tearing me down little by little. I find myself thinking about how unworthy I am to call myself a Christian. I recognize that no good deed will allow me to gain merit in the Kingdom of Heaven, but it's hard to let that stick. I believe it, but it goes against ALL the ways this world fights for freedom, success, and peace. Our God is so holy, so honorable, so loving, and so worthy of glory that it just feels right to "work your way to Heaven." When I sin or when I fail DAILY, I just feel like throwing in the towel. I'm tired of disappointing my Father. I'm tired of being a witness to others sin as well as my own. I hate it. Different things have transpired this week and I have found myself in a pinch of self-pity. I looked to my family in Christ and they have given me such a great amount of encouragement and not encouragement that comes from their own wisdom, but from the Lord. As I sit here eating lunch alone, I decided to grab the bible and daily devotional book by Max Lucado. The devotional book doesn't have any DATES, so I just scrolled through the pages until I felt lead to STOP and read one. I'm sure ALL OF THE DEVOTIONALS would have really hit home and been so powerful, but I am so grateful for this one...

Let's Talk to Jesus

What do you do when you run out of gas? You don't exhaust your petroleum perhaps, but all of us run out of something. You need kindness, but the gauge is on empty. You need hope, but the needle is in the red. You want five gallons of solutions but can only muster a few drops. When you run out of steam before you run out of day, what do you do? Stare at the gauge? Blame your upbringing? Deny the problem?

NO. Pity won't start the car. Complaints don't fuel an engine. Denial doesn't bump the needle. In the case of an empty tank, we've learned: get the car to a gas pump ASAP.

My first thought when I run out of fuel is, How can I get this car to a gas pump? Your first thought when you have a problem should be, How can I get this problem to Jesus?

Let's get practical. You and your spouse are about to battle it out again. The thunderstorm looms on the horizon. The temperature is dropping, and lightning bolts are flashing. Both of you need patience, but both tanks are empty. What if one of you calls, "Time Out"? What if one of you says, "Let's talk to Jesus before we talk to each other. In fact, let's talk to Jesus until we can talk to each other'?

I just thought this was such an appropriate devotional for me today! I am so thankful that no matter what my deeds are, good or bad, the Lord is not dependent on them. The good deeds are only done in obedience and to glorify His name, and the bad deeds are forgiven, if true, Godly repentance takes place and belief in Jesus Christ has been professed. What a grace it is to know that I'm not technically worthy, none of us are, but through his work on the cross and my acknowledgement of him and repentance, I am HIS and will meet him one day in Heaven.

Today a VERY DEAR FRIEND shared this quote with me, "Don't tell God how big your storm is, but tell your storm how big your God is!" AH, I love that quote. I really do.

Lord, you are the answer to our questions and the solution to our problems. We don't have the wisdom to work through the storms of life, but you do. In your presence we find help and hope and healing, amen.

"They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses." Psalm 107:19