The Way You Love Me!

This is probably ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONGS I have ever allowed my ears to hear.  I dedicate this song to two special people in my life, who have gone through so much "loss", but it's the way that HE loves.  He has "destroyed" their lives, so that "everything that meant ANYTHING to them is now gone!"  Giving them a much greater joy and hope in what really matters...HIM above/Christ.  Praying for Christ to reign in you both and hoping the "call" is heard loud and clear. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!  I LOVE YOU BOTH and I am constantly praying for you both!

The Way That You Love ME! (Lyrics)

This heart breaks slowly
Tell me what are you doing to me
When I prayed do what it takes
I didn’t know I’d lose everything
Everything that meant anything to me is gone
How could something so right go so wrong

It is the hurt that breaks me
And it’s the pain that pulls me to my knees
and the tears they’ve changed me
til what I couldn’t see
Becomes so clear to me
This is the way
The way that you love me

My way destroyed me
I couldn’t see I was my worst enemy
So you took away til my soul ached
And I knew that it was no mistake
That everything that meant anything to me was gone
Now something right has to come from this wrong

Chorus *love this part the MOST* (below)

You loved me so much that you let me
You let me fall knowing that I would loose it all and hear your call
You love me so much that you chase me
When I ran away you captured me by letting me run to the end of myself
To the end of myself and this is way you love

Thankfulness Tree

Today was such a gorgeous day, so after relaxing a little while, after church, we went on a "hike".  We took the hike on our neighborhood trail.  Tyson was being argumentative before leaving, so we left him home to clean his hamster cage. LOL! On our hike, we searched for skinny sticks and beautiful leaves, so that we could make our thankfulness tree.  I have been excited to make this.

On a hunt for sticks....

"I said sticks, not branches Jax." :)

Collecting leaves...

We came home and placed our branches in a vase.

There our branches sit... empty and thankless.

Liley was proud of her vase filled with branches that she collected.

These are the colorful leaves that we collected while on our walk.

As a family, we took turns choosing a leaf and sharing what we are thankful for.  

It was Tyson's idea to do it from youngest to oldest order.

Jax, Lilah, Tyson, Daddy, and ME!

Rather than having to make this tree "perfectly" designed, I wanted the kids to be as involved as possible, so I asked Tyson to be responsible for writing what everyone said on their chosen leaves.

I think giving him that responsibility made him feel important.

Who are we thankful TO for all of our blessings?  GOD!

It's not just by chance that we have these blessings.

Our blessings: God, shoes, church, toilet paper, salvation, vacation, Jesus, family, husband, music, wife, children, holidays, jewelry (Lilah:), bible, friends, that God takes care of us, doctors, bed, hot showers, food and water, clothing, toys, pets, and outside.

Then we hot glued the leaves back to our branches.

It's very fall-like. Colorful and specially prepared by all 5 of us.

Now our tree is FULL of blessings.

It's sits on our kitchen table so we can be reminded daily of how blessed we truly our.

Our entire family really enjoyed doing this together. I love that I am able to let go a little and delegate some of the crafting responsibilities to each family member. When we were out of leaves, the kids were still naming MORE blessings that they are thankful for.  

CHRIST in MY Chaos!

I have finally finished reading "Desperate", by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson.  I, first, thought that no book could top the short chapters, comedy, and realness (not to mention gospel centered) that "Loving The Little Years: Motherhood In The Trenches" provided me with, but then, I read "Desperate" and chapter after chapter I was left sitting there saying "WOW!". When I read each chapter, I truly felt like I wrote the book myself or like the authors had insight into my daily struggles as a momma.  AND THEN... as if those two books weren't amazing enough, I came across a book titled, "Christ in the Chaos" on Tim Challies' Blog.  I shared the book interest with Darren and within 3 days, the book arrived in my hands (+) the accompaniment of a kiss and an "I love you!"  I truly was BLOWN away at the FORWARD and INTRODUCTION alone.  This book will far surpass the first two books mentioned (but please do still read them).  

I beg you to read these excerpts that I highlighted and urge you to buy this book immediately.  It comes at an especially good time for me... SUMMER. Where children's lives get simpler and mothers' lives get busier.  

The Back:  First, check out a small excerpt from the back of the book

"Moms: Stop comparing yourself to others.  Stop striving to meet false expectations.  Stop thinking your performance dictates your worth.  LOOK TO THE GOSPEL.  Find rest, joy, sufficiency, identity & motivation."

AND one "review" from the back...

"Kimm gives us the truth of free grace that unshackles us from trying to be Mom of the Year, and shows us how the gospel changes motherhood from drudgery to joy. I pray each mom who finds this book becomes more aware of how Christ's love for her changes everything about her."

The Introduction:  The forward comes FIRST, in the book, but the intro gives you a small description of what this book is about.  So, I will share the intro's "notes" that I took before the forward's notes.

"This book is for moms who need to hear how the gospel changes motherhood."  

"This book is about what grace looks like for moms specifically.  It's about how Christ gives peace to women laboring under the burden of all those unwritten mom rules.  It's about how Christ sets mothers free to love him.  You will find the chapters of this book are sound, but short.  To the point, but not heavy - just right for the mom who has been up all night with the baby, the mom who only has a few minutes waiting for the school bus, and for the mom who relishes her own bathroom breaks as an opportunity to read a couple of pages even if her toddler spends the whole time pounding on the door.  This book will not weigh you down with another list of things to do, but aims to free you by reminding you of what's already been done for you."

"I need to hear the good news that he lived a perfect sinless life on my behalf because he knew just how much I would make a mess of things.(Which I do on a regular basis.)"

"He knew I could never life a life acceptable to his perfect standard.  So he lived... for me."

"The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing you need now in the thick of mothering.  In fact, it's the only thing you ever need.  The gospel will get you through those long nights of newborns crying and those long days of caring for clingy, feverish toddlers. Take the gospel with you on those car trips back and forth from soccer to piano. Let the gospel guide you when you drop your " baby" off at college and he steps forward into your adulthood.  Bask in Christ's love for you and bathe in the outrageous grace you receive day-in and day-out no matter how many times you fail: the gospel will help you find Christ in all that goes on within and around you."

The Forward: The forward was written by a grandmother.  This was perfectly designed because she presses the message home that even though she isn't a mother to young children anymore, she still has her own chaotic heart.  She goes on to explain...

"Heart chaos is the result of a worship disorder, not circumstances."

"Chaos is a worship disorder: it results from worship of myself, my abilities, my plans, me."

"Chaos turns into peace when the PRINCE OF PEACE speaks deeply into your heart and tells you , "Be still.  I am God.  I've got this."

"What you need for your chaotic heart is to remember the gospel."

HOW perfect does this book sound?  I am anxious to begin reading the first chapter now. Aren't you? Come on, stop pretending I'm the only one who perceives their lives as chaotic.  Or even better, stop allow me to think I am the only one with a chaotic heart.  LOL!  Read THIS book.

A Mom: Overcomes, Engages the Battle, Becomes the Hero

In Revelation, the word overcome is used seven times.  When God repeats anything over and over again, it is, more often than not, very crucial to something we are meant to clearly understand. 

One aspect of the word overcome is to prevail.  To mount up over and endure until one conqers the battle at hand, by staying fast until victory is achieved. Hanging in there until the end- this is our story of integrity and faithfulness.  

This, to me, is a picture of what a mother is called to be: a warrior who will not give up or cease to keep fighting the battle for her children's souls.  There are so many battlegrounds in which to fight and prevail - the work of a home, the discipline of your children, the training of their character, thinking of ways to make your life and home interesting and fun, so that your children will have a safe haven in which to spend time, spending hours and hours as a counselor and friend to answer heart questions and to sympathize with hurt feelings, nurturing depth of thought about God, working through dreams and disappointments.  All of these important roles take a great amount of time and energy.  AND not once, but over and over again, consistently pushing against sin and embracing God's truth, until our bodies, souls, and minds are weary.  

The overarching truth, however, is that we are building a legacy of people who will flourish in their lifetime, hold fast to the gospel, and have an impact for the kingdom of God.  Our labor is not in vain: it does defeat mighty strongholds and brings righteousness to bear.  But we will have to run the race well if we intend to reach the goal of our ideals; it will take a continual refreshing and renewing of them in our life.  

Satan knows that the righteousness and faith of the next generation are in the hands of US, the parents, and particularly the moms, who interact with their children every hour of the day. Satan would just love for us to think that our labor is in vain and ineffective and that we are not adequate for the task.  And yet, in every case, overcoming is always rewarded with great blessing (in Revelation).  

Keep this all in mind what temptation takes place and discouragement arises. There will be many times in the battle when you feel you are at your end; the stakes are so great.  God, if you seek Him with your whole heart and commit your ways to Him will help you give to your children a story of a woman who inspired faith, and who built a legacy in her home of righteousness, grace, and truth.  Your children will perceive you as the hero and champion of their lives if you hold fast.  

Considering this as the school year is coming to a close and being a full time mommy to 3 nears, without a break.  THIS IS A MUST TOR EREAD, OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Taming the Beast of Housework

You might recall the post, on the book, called Desperate, that I received for my birthday from Darren.  I had high hopes of being done with it LONG before now, but the reality is, if I am going to make time to read, I put my Bible first (above anything... blogs, books, etc).  I am EXACTLY half way done with the book.  Yea!!! I am so anxious to read it all.

Anyway, I just finished reading a chapter titled, "Taming The Beast of Housework".  It's no secret... I desire to keep a very tidy and clean house.  It's not what I expect YOU to do, nor do I judge anyone on a messy house, but rather it's what I desire and expect from myself, my husband, and my children.  Having 5 people under 1 roof (especially in the summer time) can be a sure way to fail at this desire/expectation.  AND THEN, I read a section in this chapter.  It stopped me dead in my tracks.

Sally was discussing how for years she had a yearly tradition, at Christmas time.  It was a Christmas tea party.  Both herself and her girls invited their favorite friends. One year, they sat with made up faces, bejeweled necks, and girly attire conversing while sipping on tea.  At some point in the conversation an unexpected twist took place.

Sally asked all of the girls what they thought their own lives would look like in ten years.  Here were some of their answers:

"To be honest, I don't want to have very many kids like my parents did, because my mom is always worn out and grumpy."

"Yeah, I agree.  The way my mom acts about housework, always complaining, fussing, and running about lecturing us just makes us feel guilty, so whatever my future holds, it will not involve a house full of kids and messes - it just seems too hard."

"[Sally] gently tried to stir the comments in another direction, but the point had been made.  When a mom complains and fusses as a regular way of life, it will inevitably go into the hearts of her children with great force.  No child wants a mom who complains and whines.  

No child of such a mother will ever say, My mom tried her best, but she couldn't help being grumpy.  It was just who she was.  They most certainly will say, I always felt guilt in my home because my mom was never happy,and she complained all the time.  It was such a relief to leave.  

We can't get away with anything with children.  They are keen and attentive, and they will eventually grow up to tell the story of their home. 

On the flip side, I have come to see that a happy mom is a real gift to her children.  A good attitude about work makes her children feel that she is glad that she is a mom and that she is thankful for her children.  She communicates to them that even with a full workload, she is fulfilled and content."

OUCH!!!!!!!!  No, I do NOT walk around this house grumpy all day. But there are moments where the house becomes a little shipwrecked with baseball clay droppings, fingerprints, crumbs, hamster shavings, a laundry overflow or what have you AND I loose it.  I don't want my children absorbing my heated reactions into their hearts and leaving home remembering those moments.  TODAY, I will take steps at trying to train myself to respond differently aka RIGHTLY.  I will try to erase from their brains, those times, I just couldn't contain enough self control to breath DEEP and tell myself, this is NORMAL.

What about you?  Are you putting too many expectations on yourself that causes you to make your children feel guilty about living in their own home?  

It's something to think about.

Conversation With God...

This "conversation" with God is rather long, but I promise you, you will love it and benefit from it!  

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure!
Me: Promise You won't get mad?
God: I promise.
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do you mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late.
God: Yes.
Me: My car took forever to start.
God: Okay.
Me: At lunch they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait.
God: Hmmm.
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call.
God: All right.

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just wanted to soak my feet in my new foot massager and relax, BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.

Me (humbled): OH!

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road..

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God.

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God.

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good and the bad.
Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

More snow....

WOW!  We have been given an abundance of snow this Winter.  Some days it was just enough to inconvenience the school system and switch up everyone's agendas, but after almost 5 Fridays, in a row, of no school - due to snow - I just decided to make the most of my time with the kids.  

We finally used our "ink" snowman kit!  That is one thing about mommies... 
They don't mind getting creative in the snow.  Daddies just want to sleigh ride and throw snow balls.  

I am not a fan of cold weather or being cold... I'm just not.  But, I am reading an amazing book called, "Desperate"; and the night before this particular snow fell, I was reading a chapter on "selfishness". The author was writing about how she used to loath the snow for so many reasons.  A few of her reasons were...

Cancellations
Delays
Home bound
Kids who desire to go outside
Dressing Kids in layers (which takes 20 minutes or more)
Then the kids play outside for only 2 minutes because they are COLD (reminds me of the Thanksgiving dinner that takes days to prep and hours to cook and then it takes everyone 2 minutes to eat).
LAUNDRY. LAUNDRY. LAUNDRY.
Did I say wet laundry?

Sally Mae (the author) turned her pessimism around and said (not verbatim), "Motherhood is a grand calling.  How dare I dread having to go out in the snow with my children.  What a dull mother I am."

God was so instrumental in offering me that chapter, the night before HE KNEW it was going to snow and HE KNEW Darren would NOT be home to be the kids playmate. So I took on the same attitude AND I WENT OUTSIDE WITH MY KIDS!  I have to say, it felt good to be the mom who played in the snow with her kids.  I never got cold either.  Praise you God for even these little changes in my heart and the "BIG" moments, to my kids, in my life as a parent.  

 Yes!  That is a LARGE piece of drainage hanging from poor Jax's nose!  So gross.

And now, I no longer have to hear, "Mom, you are so boring when it snows!"

Fun/Funny for just a few hours!

Since Friday night our home has been without power. When the 10 minute storm hit, Jax, my sister, and I were in Kroger. All of the lights went out. It was creepy and exciting, all at the same time, to experience something like that. Upon arriving home, we entered a dark house, lite up with candles.

For a while, it was fun/funny. We knew the lights were out, yet we would still try to use the electricity. For instance, my mother-in-law called and we informed her that we had no electricity. We were telling her about how hot it was and she said, "Well if you all are hot, why don't you just plug in some fans." We all laughed, including her.

In addition, my sister, after 15 hours of being without electricity, asked, "Do you have a blow dryer?" Haha. Um, not one that doesn't require electrcity. Maybe that is something I ought to invent. A battery operated blow dryer.

STILL without power, and possibly no end in sight until Saturday, we are realizing how spoiled and how dependent we really are on electricity. It cools our food, our bodies, it opens our garage doors, it charges our cell phones, and for some, it runs water. Regretfully, we had to throw out almost EVERY SINGLE thing in our freezer/refrigerator. A close friend of ours allowed us to use a section of her freezer and fridge, but most of my food was unsalvageable before we thought to make use of a friend's electricity.

We really lucked out compared to some of our close friends... we have full use of my in-laws home because they are in Myrtle Beach right now. Although we are very thankful to be cool and to have use of their beautiful home, we are really home sick :(

Hanging out in the dark.

We were at Kroger getting the family a late night dessert. I bought 10 mini ice creams for $10.00. Being we had NO IDEA how long our power would be out, the ice cream had to be eaten. I told the kids, "It's your lucky day. You can have TWO ice creams tonight."

Darren still had battery life on his cell phone, so he went inside to text around, seeing who else didn't have power.

We went outside, to enjoy the fresh, cool air. It was so interesting to witness dry lightening. Although powerful, we were amazed and in awe of it. Whitney and the kids made some funny faces to help pass the time/make light of this situation.

Lilah's "silly" face.

Jax's "funny face".

Tyson's "goofy" face.

This storm is a REMINDER of the powerful God we serve. We are weak and HE is strong. He has sent that reminder to us. Our level of patience, self-control, and gratitude has only been able to be maintained through prayer and dependence on him during this time especially.

Will I ever feel worthy?

Lately, I feel so disconnected. It's amazing how blessed I am, in MORE WAYS THAN 4, and yet I look right passed it. Small trials lately have added up and it's tearing me down little by little. I find myself thinking about how unworthy I am to call myself a Christian. I recognize that no good deed will allow me to gain merit in the Kingdom of Heaven, but it's hard to let that stick. I believe it, but it goes against ALL the ways this world fights for freedom, success, and peace. Our God is so holy, so honorable, so loving, and so worthy of glory that it just feels right to "work your way to Heaven." When I sin or when I fail DAILY, I just feel like throwing in the towel. I'm tired of disappointing my Father. I'm tired of being a witness to others sin as well as my own. I hate it. Different things have transpired this week and I have found myself in a pinch of self-pity. I looked to my family in Christ and they have given me such a great amount of encouragement and not encouragement that comes from their own wisdom, but from the Lord. As I sit here eating lunch alone, I decided to grab the bible and daily devotional book by Max Lucado. The devotional book doesn't have any DATES, so I just scrolled through the pages until I felt lead to STOP and read one. I'm sure ALL OF THE DEVOTIONALS would have really hit home and been so powerful, but I am so grateful for this one...

Let's Talk to Jesus

What do you do when you run out of gas? You don't exhaust your petroleum perhaps, but all of us run out of something. You need kindness, but the gauge is on empty. You need hope, but the needle is in the red. You want five gallons of solutions but can only muster a few drops. When you run out of steam before you run out of day, what do you do? Stare at the gauge? Blame your upbringing? Deny the problem?

NO. Pity won't start the car. Complaints don't fuel an engine. Denial doesn't bump the needle. In the case of an empty tank, we've learned: get the car to a gas pump ASAP.

My first thought when I run out of fuel is, How can I get this car to a gas pump? Your first thought when you have a problem should be, How can I get this problem to Jesus?

Let's get practical. You and your spouse are about to battle it out again. The thunderstorm looms on the horizon. The temperature is dropping, and lightning bolts are flashing. Both of you need patience, but both tanks are empty. What if one of you calls, "Time Out"? What if one of you says, "Let's talk to Jesus before we talk to each other. In fact, let's talk to Jesus until we can talk to each other'?

I just thought this was such an appropriate devotional for me today! I am so thankful that no matter what my deeds are, good or bad, the Lord is not dependent on them. The good deeds are only done in obedience and to glorify His name, and the bad deeds are forgiven, if true, Godly repentance takes place and belief in Jesus Christ has been professed. What a grace it is to know that I'm not technically worthy, none of us are, but through his work on the cross and my acknowledgement of him and repentance, I am HIS and will meet him one day in Heaven.

Today a VERY DEAR FRIEND shared this quote with me, "Don't tell God how big your storm is, but tell your storm how big your God is!" AH, I love that quote. I really do.

Lord, you are the answer to our questions and the solution to our problems. We don't have the wisdom to work through the storms of life, but you do. In your presence we find help and hope and healing, amen.

"They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses." Psalm 107:19

Tested & Trialsome Tuesday!

As if 2 funerals (Darren's Uncle Thursday and Grandmother Sunday), a wedding, a passport rejection (will we be able to still go on our 10 year wedding Anniversary trip to the Bahamas?) and one other trial being left unspoken of is NOT enough....

This morning at 4:30 am, Darren heard some pretty intense noises. He had no clue where it was coming from. His thoughts, "No one in the house is up? What the heck is that? What is Kristin doing upstairs? How can a female possibly make that MUCH NOISE?" He heard it for well over 30 minutes, but just couldn't put his finger on it nor did he think to look outside.

After his shower, he walked to Tyson's room, remember Tyson doesn't sleep in his room, looked out his bedroom window and found the culprit of the noise.... A BEAR.

Last night, Darren was proactive in putting the trash out the night before trash pick up. Well, the bears benefited. This is an aerial view of the disaster, taken from Tyson bedroom window.

It honestly looked like a tornado swept through our neighborhood, but ONLY hit our home.

Darren had to clean this ALLLLLL up while I prepared for Tyson's day at school

This picture shows you the distance that the bears drug the trash. Approximately 25 feet. Darren said one of them put his 'fangs' through a bottle of Clorox and threw up next to it. Serves him right.

I guess the bear did NOT like this toy otherwise I guess he would have taken it back to his cubs.

This picture was taken with my LONG distance lens. It was a close up taken from Ty's window. The photos HONESTLY do this chaos NO justice.

After leaving the mess behind, the bears head back to their home across the street from our house. Lesson learned: DO NOT put your trash out the night before.

I can tell that God is testing our household. It will ONLY be by God's Grace that I survive this already LONG week and it's only TUESDAY!

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” ~2 Corinthians 12:9.