Sunday, October 2, 2011

Whatever COULD go wrong, DID go wrong!!!!

Last night, While Darren was at the Tech/Clemson game with friends, I took the kids to their favorite store to "shop" and eat... Sam's Club. Upon entering the store, the sales clerk asked to see my club card. I desperately searched for my wallet and quickly realized *I left my wallet* at home. SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!?! I drove almost 16 minutes from home and forgot the means by which I could pay for my purchases???? THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! Bound and determined to not have to go home, I asked the sales clerk what my options were.

The sales clerk instructed me to go to customer service so I could get a temporary card. "Shew!" I thought! The solution to my problem. Or so I thought... The line was OUT THE DOOR. Was I missing something? Did Christmas come and go and it just so happened to be the day after Christmas? You know, where everyone rushes to the store to return their unwanted gifts. It certainly seemed that way. I *stood in line for 20 minutes* waiting "patiently" with three kids. While waiting in line, a Sam's Club associate decided to pass out free drinks to test taste. These drinks were NOT provided to us in mouth wash sample cups. *He gave each of my children a 16 ounce FUZE drink.* I tried desperately to convince Lilah to let me help her drink it, but to no end she would repeatedly say, "No! I do it!" It wasn't even 2 minutes and 2 sips in that she failed to sip the drink properly. *The drink poured out all over her.* She's been sick, so every little thing has been setting her off. This set her off AND me. I recall saying aloud, "Serves you right! I told you I would help you but no......" I wasn't hateful, just matter of fact with her. Her little cheeks were filled out, like a hamster preparing for hibernation, with this FUZE drink. It was too much to swallow so...... what can't go down, must come OUT! *And out it came. She was coughing and spitting the remaining BIG GULP all over herself.* The line behind me thought she was puking.

I get my temporary card and head over to the food stand. The kids agreed they wanted pizza. Oh how I should receive the "mother of the year award" for this dinner menu. I stand in that line for 5 minutes or more. I finally get to the register and begin placing my order. As I slowly start to say, "I'll take 2 slices of cheese pizza", the lady says, *"We don't have any cheese pizza left.* It will take 8 minutes at least." What's 8 minutes when I've already been in this store for 45 minutes without accomplishing a thing yet?, I recall thinking. So I said, "That's fine!" I ordered two hot dogs in the mean time and got the crew situated. As Jax prepared to take his first bite, he *fell backwards and busted his head on the table's bench behind him*. He received a golf ball size knot on his head, in the same place he fell playing in the rain a few weeks back. Geez, will that wound ever heal? I finally calm him down, we eat, and we prepare to shop. PS. I forgot my wallet at home, so HOW did I pay for our FOOD? I had my check book. Praise God they take checks. I didn't realize a store even accepts them anymore.

Lilah, "*I have to pee." Mom, "Of course you do!" Jax, "I have to pee too.*" I leave my 6 year old to watch the shopping cart filled with my purse, our coats, our left over food, Lilah's baby etc.... and I bring the twins into the bathroom. Lilah is sitting on the toilet and *smells poop (someone else's poop).* She thinks it's coming from her stall and her toilet bowl, so *she refuses to use the bathroom*. Jax then decided he doesn't need to go, BUT, both kids have now touched everything in the public restroom, so we have to still wash 2 sets of hands. AHHHHH! SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I just want to get food for my house and go HOME.

While shopping, *Jax gets his hands stuck in the shopping cart.* MINOR bump in the road compared to the knot on his head.

We complete our shopping experience. While standing in line to pay, the Bolling kids decide to play "ring around the rosie." And of course what goes along with that song....."WE ALL FALL DOWN". Yup, onto Sam's nasty/dirty floor. Oh well. Bath time is approaching rapidly.

We load our food/toiletries onto the conveyer belt and the cashier says, "You're total is $182.51." I replied, "Great, no problem. I do have to write you a check though okay? I left my entire wallet at home." The cashier was fine with that. I pull out the check book that I used to pay for our $8.00 dinner and was mortified to witness *THERE WERE NO CHECKS LEFT.* Are you FLIPPIN kidding me? Okay, no worries. I have 3 checking accounts. I pull out my next check book and to my TOTAL shock, *that check book had no checks left either.* I forgot I had given my last check to my cleaning lady on Thursday. Okay, praise God for three checking accounts. I pull out my FINAL check book to find that that check book only had 1 check left *BUT IT WAS A STARTER CHECK.* The cashier took it, but then said, "I'll have to see your i.d." HELLLLLLOOOOOOO! I left my wallet at home remember? After holding up the line and explaining all of my drama to the manager, in hopes she'd have compassion on me, she finally let me use the starter check.

We pay. We head towards the doors that lead us outside and guess what happens NEXT? YES, something ELSE actually WENT WRONG. *It started to DOWN POUR rain.* And not in 90 degree weather either. In 45 degree weather. So here I am pushing a heavy cart full of food, with one sick child soaking wet, with one child who has a golf ball knot on his head and bruised fingers, and with one energetic 6 year old (who thinks this cold rain is "awesome"), heading towards my vehicle. The wind was blowing like crazy, Jax was screaming crying because it was so cold, and I was ready to throw my hands up. We find the car and *I cannot find my keys.* It was dark out and my purse wasn't organized like normal. I finally found them though. I put the kids in the car and I open my trunk to put my stuff away and *I find 3 LARGE rubbermaid containers in the back of my van* that I meant to bring to Once Upon A Child. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Where do I put the food???? I had to utilize my entire vehicle to store the food (front, back, sides, and waaaay back!).

I headed to Once Upon A Child around the corner and dropped off the tubs. It was at that moment that *Jax decide he needed to poop.* I left Tyson and Lilah in the car and ran him inside Once Upon A Child to use the bathroom. Once I got back with Jax, guess what happened next? YUP, you got it, *LILAH had to pee.* With twins, things NEVER happen ONCE. They always happen in 2's.


Needless to say, it's moments like these that I swear to never shop with my children again. :)